I have to be serious for a second...I'm sorry. Believe me I wish I could talk about all the ways I want to dis-member the general public every single day, but alas it's not meant to be.
I talk to a lot of people during the week between work and school and the kids' school and the clubs and the volunteering and the moms and the friends and the family.... Whoo, I think I just made myself tired talking about it.
Oftentimes the conversation veers into how rough certain sections of the city have it...not enough schools, not enough parks, not enough hospitals and on and on and on. We often think someone should do something about it. Forgetting I guess, that we are someone. We think the problems are so large, there's nothing we, the individual, can do about it. Truthfully there are plenty of small things we can do.
A quick and easy action we can do is fill out the Census form when it arrives and throw it right back in the mail as quickly as possible. Census determines how every penny is spent in America. Plus as a student, I can't tell you how much we rely on the numbers in the Census for just about every single report, paper, and study we have to do; from grade school onward.
This is kind of a fun video emphasizing the importance...I love ya, Ed! He makes me laugh.
Please take a second, fill out the form, and send it back! Thanks! Plus my grandmother the school teacher made me say this!
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Ode to the Bloggess
Usually I don't like writing posts like this because they remind me way too much of kissin' up. Then you get all these hash tag harsh mistresses bitchin' you out on your own blog. You're just posting about her so you can get more people to your site. Blah, blah, blah.
You're sitting back at your computer thinking, Dude, I was only looking for a place to share my innermost thoughts so one day I don't stand on my seat in PTA and scream out at the cardigan'd and pearl necklace'd presi-snot how her husband used to snort cocaine off the backs of young boys in high school and how she should back her butt off her high horse before she gets a nose bleed.
For example- just an example, all totally untrue. I swear!
"Ms. Right well maybe if you volunteered a little bit more, you'd have a better idea of how we do things."
It's called a job, wench. As in I have one or three. By the freaking by-why the hell do we have PTA for high school? Seriously. They' re almost grown. Shouldn't they figure out how to put on a dance? Plus just how did I get suckered into participating?
Anyhoodle...I know I don't have to tell you how awesome the Bloggess is- you're a smart ducky, you already know. But I marvel at the places she inspires (using that term in the loosest sense) me to go...Why just this morning, I made the mistake clicked on her newest post. Seemed like a good idea...after all she lifts my day, helps me go into the world a little bit lighter in the toes. So when you're hogging the bank teller I can think back to a certain phrase or tid-bit, chuckle inwardly and not throw spit-balls at the back of your head. Oh, that James Garfield. Plus because I have a smile on my face, everyone smiles back at me and thinks What a Nice Lady!
See truly she's doing a service for the entire world.
Occasionally she takes me to a scary place. Like here and here and here. I clicked all the links...Oh, yes I did. There are some freaks on the internets. Seriously. But like a train wreck or any episode of Big Love, I just can't look away. Be scared, be very scared. I know I am.
She's not the only one...Sometimes I'm kinda scared to not leave my house.
You're sitting back at your computer thinking, Dude, I was only looking for a place to share my innermost thoughts so one day I don't stand on my seat in PTA and scream out at the cardigan'd and pearl necklace'd presi-snot how her husband used to snort cocaine off the backs of young boys in high school and how she should back her butt off her high horse before she gets a nose bleed.
For example- just an example, all totally untrue. I swear!
"Ms. Right well maybe if you volunteered a little bit more, you'd have a better idea of how we do things."
It's called a job, wench. As in I have one or three. By the freaking by-why the hell do we have PTA for high school? Seriously. They' re almost grown. Shouldn't they figure out how to put on a dance? Plus just how did I get suckered into participating?
Anyhoodle...I know I don't have to tell you how awesome the Bloggess is- you're a smart ducky, you already know. But I marvel at the places she inspires (using that term in the loosest sense) me to go...Why just this morning, I made the mistake clicked on her newest post. Seemed like a good idea...after all she lifts my day, helps me go into the world a little bit lighter in the toes. So when you're hogging the bank teller I can think back to a certain phrase or tid-bit, chuckle inwardly and not throw spit-balls at the back of your head. Oh, that James Garfield. Plus because I have a smile on my face, everyone smiles back at me and thinks What a Nice Lady!
See truly she's doing a service for the entire world.
Occasionally she takes me to a scary place. Like here and here and here. I clicked all the links...Oh, yes I did. There are some freaks on the internets. Seriously. But like a train wreck or any episode of Big Love, I just can't look away. Be scared, be very scared. I know I am.
She's not the only one...Sometimes I'm kinda scared to not leave my house.
old people say the darndest things
Last night was my Birthday.
My 36th Birthday.
Thank you! Didn't I just hear you say Happy Birthday? Hmmm, must be imagining things.
Anyhey, So for some bizarre reason I had it in my head I wanted Lucille's- particluary this...
With a side of this...
In all - Food not so good, drink rocked, service sucked, drink rocked. But this little conversation made the entire evening...
Setting:
Bathroom at Lucille's
Characters:
Old Lady: Big Woman, REALLY old, leaning on a cane
Waitress: Teeny, tiny little blonde girl barely out of her teens, probably a buck-ten soaking wet.
Convo:
Old Lady to Waitress: "Wow, look at you. You're just a teeny, bitty thing, aren't you?"
Waitress: smiles politely
Old Lady: "Why I can see right over the top of your head. You're so little."
Waitress: "Yeah?" Still smiling.
Me: Washing my hands trying not to laugh
Old Lady: "You are so small- you could just fit in my pocket. How tall are you?"
Waitress: "I'm 5, 1" smile starting to slip just a little
Me: Biting the inside of my cheeks to not laugh.
Old Lady: "Why I can see right over the top of your head. You're so little."
Me: Starting to turn to walk to the door.
Old Lady: "Why you're almost a midget. A dwarf even."
Had to get out of there... held it in till I got out the door. I've heard the phrase 'gaping like a fish' just never seen it in action. The waitess gaped, actually gaped like a fish, unsure how to respond.
Those pesky old people....so silly.
My 36th Birthday.
Thank you! Didn't I just hear you say Happy Birthday? Hmmm, must be imagining things.
Anyhey, So for some bizarre reason I had it in my head I wanted Lucille's- particluary this...
In all - Food not so good, drink rocked, service sucked, drink rocked. But this little conversation made the entire evening...
Setting:
Bathroom at Lucille's
Characters:
Old Lady: Big Woman, REALLY old, leaning on a cane
Waitress: Teeny, tiny little blonde girl barely out of her teens, probably a buck-ten soaking wet.
Convo:
Old Lady to Waitress: "Wow, look at you. You're just a teeny, bitty thing, aren't you?"
Waitress: smiles politely
Old Lady: "Why I can see right over the top of your head. You're so little."
Waitress: "Yeah?" Still smiling.
Me: Washing my hands trying not to laugh
Old Lady: "You are so small- you could just fit in my pocket. How tall are you?"
Waitress: "I'm 5, 1" smile starting to slip just a little
Me: Biting the inside of my cheeks to not laugh.
Old Lady: "Why I can see right over the top of your head. You're so little."
Me: Starting to turn to walk to the door.
Old Lady: "Why you're almost a midget. A dwarf even."
Had to get out of there... held it in till I got out the door. I've heard the phrase 'gaping like a fish' just never seen it in action. The waitess gaped, actually gaped like a fish, unsure how to respond.
Those pesky old people....so silly.
They Looked so Normal
Actual transcript of a conversation going on next to me right now...
Characters:
Older (late 50's), man- slightly beaten by life with tough skin tanned by years of working outdoors.
Older (mid-50's), woman- pampered princess with three different highlights and a designer purse.
Setting:
Starbucks (on the ritzy side of town)
Convo:
Woman: "Daniel, I need to call the storage unit RIGHT NOW. Hand me your phone."
Woman: "Hi, Central Storage, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." hangs up
Man: "Well?"
Woman: "They're going to charge me an additional $52."
Man: "Well, we need to find a cheaper place."
Woman: "But it has to be temperture controlled." man frowns
Woman: "But Dann-an-hiel, I have a lot of REALLY nice EXPENSIVE things." looks around to see if anyone is listening.
Woman:"Dannnhhiel, Why'd you wear those pants today? They are so sevenites."
Woman: "Dannnnnhhhhiel, you shouldn't wear those boots. You should wear the black ones."
Woman:" Dannnn-huel, I can't believe how fast you drank that coffee. Give me 50 cents so I can go get a re-fill."
Man: "You look great, did you lose some weight?"
Woman: "Dan-ann-hhuel, WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? Don't you know there's men out there who like all sizes of women? I just don't understand why'd you say such a thing. I mean really. There are plenty of men who like women of any size."
Man: stammers apology
Woman: "Oh my Gosh, Dann-huel you just finished another coffee. Why do you drink your coffee so fast, huh Daniel?"
Woman: "Daniel, Daniel, Daniel, Daniel"
Me: OMG- shut up, shut up, shut, up, SHUT UP!!!!! Jumping up and down!
I think when I'm queen of the universe... I am going to make everyone who annoys me move to a small remote village in South America. A place with lots of bugs... big bugs...and snakes... the huge kind ...and maybe some guerrilla freedom fighters, just for fun.
Characters:
Older (late 50's), man- slightly beaten by life with tough skin tanned by years of working outdoors.
Older (mid-50's), woman- pampered princess with three different highlights and a designer purse.
Setting:
Starbucks (on the ritzy side of town)
Convo:
Woman: "Daniel, I need to call the storage unit RIGHT NOW. Hand me your phone."
Woman: "Hi, Central Storage, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." hangs up
Man: "Well?"
Woman: "They're going to charge me an additional $52."
Man: "Well, we need to find a cheaper place."
Woman: "But it has to be temperture controlled." man frowns
Woman: "But Dann-an-hiel, I have a lot of REALLY nice EXPENSIVE things." looks around to see if anyone is listening.
Woman:"Dannnhhiel, Why'd you wear those pants today? They are so sevenites."
Woman: "Dannnnnhhhhiel, you shouldn't wear those boots. You should wear the black ones."
Woman:" Dannnn-huel, I can't believe how fast you drank that coffee. Give me 50 cents so I can go get a re-fill."
Man: "You look great, did you lose some weight?"
Woman: "Dan-ann-hhuel, WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? Don't you know there's men out there who like all sizes of women? I just don't understand why'd you say such a thing. I mean really. There are plenty of men who like women of any size."
Man: stammers apology
Woman: "Oh my Gosh, Dann-huel you just finished another coffee. Why do you drink your coffee so fast, huh Daniel?"
Woman: "Daniel, Daniel, Daniel, Daniel"
Me: OMG- shut up, shut up, shut, up, SHUT UP!!!!! Jumping up and down!
I think when I'm queen of the universe... I am going to make everyone who annoys me move to a small remote village in South America. A place with lots of bugs... big bugs...and snakes... the huge kind ...and maybe some guerrilla freedom fighters, just for fun.
Why the hell not?
I've been thinking of doing something lately that terrifies me to death...mostly because it thrusts me in the spotlight- not a place (despite what you'd think) I normally like to hang out. The usual questions haunt me...what if I suck? What if someone totally hates on me? What if, what if, what if?
Then I read this story today- 5,200 people got naked for a photo shoot in Australia. Fifty-two hundred people. Not one. Not two. Not an even dozen but thousands, upon thousands, upon thousands shucked their clothes and said why the hell not?
Well that's what I say...why the hell not?
Then I read this story today- 5,200 people got naked for a photo shoot in Australia. Fifty-two hundred people. Not one. Not two. Not an even dozen but thousands, upon thousands, upon thousands shucked their clothes and said why the hell not?
Well that's what I say...why the hell not?
