The ties that bind

>> 16 July 2013

If I've said it once, I've said it a million times.... Parenting it's not for the wimpy. Never mind the terrible twos, the sassy tweens, and the utterly, heart-wrenchingly, terrifying teens.

Nevermind that just by being yourself, you have the potential to completely warp another human being FOREVER. Just by being a completely normal, everyday American. Just by being yourself  I swear I didn't know what was in chicken nuggets. I didn't know. I'm sorry.

I dropped SuperGirl off for a 24 hour orientation today. For College. Sleep away college. And suddenly it hit me. In 30 days, I'll be dropping her off and it won't be for 24 hours. I won't be sitting in a hotel room whiling away the night waiting to pick her up. She'll stay here. She'll start her life. No longer will my say have equal weight as her say. Now she gets to chose. I get to say. I get to suggest. But it's her choice. Her consequences.

Give me a second... I need my paper bag.

I've never been more conflicted in my entire life.

Look when you're a Mom, you're a Mom forever. The Mob's got nothing on us. There's no witness protection program for momhood but.... suddenly... the chains have lifted. Just a little bit.

I don't have to be home if I don't feel like it. I can have Jello for dinner. I CAN BE A BAD EXAMPLE. I can get drunk in the middle of the afternoon. I can be flattered when that man gives me that look. Without hearing, EWWW.

Mine, Mine, they are all MINE!

IT's ENDLESS. Endless I tell you. All of the sudden it's about me. It hasn't been about me in over 21 years.

Look when you have kids, a switch gets flipped. A little voice. It's a ASSHOLE voice, truth be known. What are they doing, what are they doing, What are they doing? ALL THE TIME. The only thing that changes is the frequency. When they are the little, the voice is non-stop. Every 30 seconds. Then it's every half an hour. Then every hour. Then they hit teenagehood and it's back to every 30 seconds. Megaphone loud.

That voice, it's quieter. Whole days go by.

All of the sudden it's all about me. Holy crap... it's all about me. Parenting- it isn't for the wimpy but this phase... whew.

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Praise Jesus!!!

>> 02 April 2013

Of course now we have to figure out how to pay for it!!
One step closer to getting my house back.

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Balance

>> 26 December 2012


I've been making a choice lately.

For six months I've been making that choice. Head in the sand, foot to the pedal, pedal to the floor, 15 hours a day, six days a week choice. I've chosen to work. Work in the way that men in the fifties used to work. In the way those crazy boys in the early days of Facebook used to work, in the way any owner of a start-up would recognize without my saying the words. With all abandon. With no holding back. By sacrificing. Work and Family. That's it- nothing else. For the last six months.

 ...and it went by in the blink of an eye.

What's so crazy in all my Yin...I've forgotten how. I've forgotten how to relax, how to write, how to run around the block. How to do nothing but read a book, pet my dog and sit with my kid on the couch. I've forgotten how to just be.

The thing is...it would be so easy to jump right back in. To work, pedal to the metal, without abandon for, well forever. Work, even work and family. It's easy. There's things to do and people to talk to, the teams, the value, the appreciation. The joy. It's joyful, the work, the satisfaction. I love it. I love my job.

But there's more to life. I think it's time for a little more out of my life.

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Happy Holidays!

>> 25 December 2012


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Parenting- it isn't for the weak

>> 20 June 2012

So I took the man-child in to get his wisdom teeth removed today. I know, wisdom teeth - big, fat, hairy deal. Everyone does it. Everyone gets their teeth removed. Everyone has a story about it. Why, I was out running laps immediately after. I was down for three days. Dry socket, chipmunk cheeks, broken jaws, numb tongues and on and on and on it goes. Say wisdom teeth at a party- I double dog dare you.

Was he worried- Nah. But then again he's 19- if he was worried would he even tell me? (For those who've never had teens or don't remember what it was like to be a teen. The correct answer here is a resounding NO.)

Was I little nervous?

Ummm Yeah. A little.

Not for the after part. But the putting him under. Yikes. That got my mother's heart racing a little. Yeah. I know he's nineteen. Get a freaking grip already. (I swear not a psycho helicopter parent- I'm not. Well maybe just a teeny, tiny bit but not really.) 

Read the warnings. Take the worst of all of the prescription drug commercials and put it all on one form. Now sign here Ms. Right taking sole responsibility in the event that our dentist- not even a real freaking anesthesiologist didn't decide to go out on a huge bender last night and isn't going to accidentally maim or destroy one of the best people you know. And by the way.. that'll be $500. No, you can't make payments.

It's fiction I tell you. Fiction has completely ruined my grip on reality. It's come to the point I expect things to happen strictly to move the story forward. Not necessarily bad things. Just things. A car explosion, a handsome man, a coma. It's always a surprise when nothing happens.

The only good thing about wisdom teeth surgery is how speedy it is. In and out- 45 minutes. Bada, Bing, Bada, Boom and he's being wheeled out to the car higher than a kite, legal drugs clutched in his hot little hands bruised, battered and bloody.



For you parents who have to go through something longer. Because of an illness or accident or desired plastic surgery. You people have my true sympathy. Because 45 minutes- that was about 40 minutes too long.

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