Zoe Rights: Mornings: The Invention of the Devil

I recently figured out something everyone in my house already knows. No, like seriously knows. Like when I had my AH HA moment, resounding DUH's chased me all the way down the hall.

What did I figure out you might ask? No, you didn't ask? Too Bad, I'm sharing here...dammit.

I am a functional retard in the morning before I have coffee.

In truth some mornings the coffee doesn't even help. I don't even start to wake up until 9:00. No I'm up- I get up at 6:00 am every morning- even the weekends. At 5:59 my eyes pop open and I'm AWAKE. Physically at least.

On days I don't have anything to do or anywhere to go I stare blankly straight ahead clinging to a coffee cup until the clock strikes the magic hour. I stare at the tv, a book, the laptop, the cat, the dog, the other cat, the kid, not the other kid (cuz he, like me, can't function in the morning) or sometimes I'll just find myself staring a blank place in the wall.

All of the sudden 9:00 will kiss me soundly and I will mentally awake refreshed and ready to tackle the day.

You'd think I could sleep in past nine and avoid the mental retardation- but no.

Most days however I can't stay home. I have to leave the house. So I very carefully try to do everything that needs to be done all the while stumbling through the house like a confused zombie.

I'll set my coffee cup down, I walk out of the house without half the stuff I need for the day. I'll send SuperGirl back in for the Sweater/Client Report/Rubber Band/Matching Shoe/Book/Laptop yada, yada, yada I forgot to grab. I'll then drop the kids off only to remember I forgot the one piece of paper I need. I'll then drive back to the house and run inside twice more to get what I forgot. I can only imagine what the neighbors think.

That being said- I just figured out I grabbed the wrong client report- back home I go.

Sigh!