Zoe Rights: I Vent, You Vent...

I’m out of the habit.

I’m out of the habit of “Teamwork.”

I no longer speak corporate lingo. The ever so polite ‘I’m not sure how comfortable I am with that’ or the seven paragraphs to say what could be bottom-lined in one sentence.

I’m out of the habit of exchanging twenty e-mails for one small project. No longer used to having three meetings last several hours each. To leave believing we are all on the same page and then have one or two people hijack the project and do it their way.

I have a big personality. I dominate. I’m loud and carefree and fun and excitable. I use grand gestures to make my point. I get this about myself. I accept it. I KNOW. Usually I make a point of holding back, being quiet, closing my mouth. Being careful.

I can be a great team player. But I want to be part of the team. I want everyone to have a say- for you to have a say. I want to have a say. Just one. To be able to say yeah or nay. To reach a consensus.

“I understand their may be some anger and resentment with Devin and my activity because it is often difficult to “let go” of an idea.”

I’m breathing. In and out. In and out. Counting to ten to twenty to thirty. It’s not helping.

I want to scream. Literally scream. Out loud! The words running through my head are all of the four-letter variety.

NO- YOU STUPID ASSHAT. It’s not anger and resentment at the change of the activity. Its anger and resentment at you! For sitting in our group of seven, agreeing with the idea we as a group decided upon, and then leaving and re-writing the entire experience. Oh yeah, and by the way you can take your passive-aggressive e-mail and shove it up your ass!!!

But no-can’t do that. Can’t say that. Must be a good team player.

I’m out of the habit. To be quite frank, I’m kind of glad.