Zoe Rights: I'm in a mood for...

I spent some time with friends and friends of friends this weekend at a large Super Bowl party. As I've mentioned ad nauseum I live in an extremely homogeneous community. Houses look the same, people look the same, we all drive the same car, shop at the same stores, drink the same over-priced snobby wine, and eat at the same restaurants. We all live in the same house, well every third one at least. I'll post pictures...it's easier to understand with a visual, I think.

Most days I feel like I'm marking time until I can escape...I do not fit in here. Sure outwardly I'm polite, conversational, friendly but for as many times I bite my tongue a day it's surprising I have one at all. Why do I live here if I hate it so much? One: I grew up here and have family here. Two: It's a safe place to raise kids.

I've been in a mood all week long- today is Friday- seriously a mood since Sunday. Which is completely unlike me. Nothing can shake this mood...not any of my old stand-bys. Ghiredelli chocolate- no. Good sappy movie- no. Great book-no. Lunch with a friend- no. Working out at the gym- no. Since Sunday at the Super bowl party, my mood is crap.

What happened? Nothing in particular. I didn't open my mouth and put my foot in it for a change. No one was offensive. But all I could think as I walked out the door was "I do not like you people" and then I feel bad. I feel bad for thinking that. I start to think- it must be me. They all get along just fine. They appear to like each other. They appear to like the constant one-upsmanship. Oh you have a Lexus, well I have a Beamer. You went to Disneyland, well I get a lake-front beach house for the summer.

-and then I get mad. I refuse to get caught up in the must make more money, to buy more crap, to go more places, to have to make more money. I will not do it again! I will not get caught up in the Scum-sucking Yuppie lifestyle. No, no, no! So there I vacillate between self-loathing and anger. Lovely place to be.

Last night I was in class- Oranizational Behavior. We played game on yesterday's post. The entire class of 40 was broken up in teams of four. First individually we read the passage and made our choice. Then we had to collaborate with our team to make a choice. We then came together as a class and collaborated to make our choices.

I'm sure the teacher had a 'lesson' in there somewhere. Teamwork or persuasion or ethics or whatever.

Honestly for me...what felt the best was to have the arguments in my head argued by others, to know there are people out there that think like I do. To have the exact words circling in my head come out someone else's mouth. That I'm not the only one.

I think that's why I started blogging. After all it's certainly not for my huge readership although I love you one and all. I think I got tired of thinking I'm the only one who thinks the way I do. If that even makes any sense at 'tall.

I'm sure I'd have more reader's if I were even half as brilliantly funny as any of the folks listed on the right but I don't think that's why I'm here.