A Secret

Shh don't tell anyone but my 36th birthday is coming up in the next two weeks. THIRTY-SIX. Seriously.

I just adjusted to being 35. Just adjusted  from checking the age 26 to 34 box to checking the age 35 to 45 box. Thirty-five to forty-five-really? Does that mean it's just a slippery slide to middle-age? Hell most days I still act like I'm barely out of my teens. Most of my friends are. I (along with every other female in the theater) wiped the drool off my chin, when a half-naked Taylor Lautner crossed the screen until I suddenly realized- HE' S ONE YEAR OLDER than my son. Oh- the shame.

I took my son to an early dinner for his 17th birthday a couple of weeks ago. Overhearing it was his birthday, a lady sitting nearby questioned my son. How old he was ...and who was I? His sister, aunt, cousin? "No, I'm his mom." I said.  She started at me in disbelief for a full 30 seconds before turning back to her companion. This huge, hulking creature with a full beard and man-sized body. Yes- that is my son.

So thirty-six. I guess I thought I'd be more of a grown-up by this time. Here I sit on the computer next to said 17 year old as he brings up music for me..."you like Lily Allen right mom? Here, I downloaded the whole Muse album for you. Third Eye Blind?"

Somehow I thought by now- I'd have everything figured out. But then again do we ever?

I live in a rough area- incredibly judgmental. How much money you make, what you have...this is how you are judged by your neighbors.  I always have to remind myself...no we don't have a boat or RV or a second home. But I did this... I did this all by myself. I have two dogs, two cats, and two teenagers. We live in a beautiful home filled with love. I worked, went to school, got a BA and an almost MBA (one and a half more semesters) all by myself with little help. Started a business.

By myself. I forget sometimes.

So 36. hmmm maybe I'll have everything figured out by 37. Maybe.

A Secret