They Looked so Normal

Actual transcript of a conversation going on next to me right now...

Characters:
Older (late 50's), man- slightly beaten by life with tough skin tanned by years of working outdoors.
Older (mid-50's), woman- pampered princess with three different highlights and a designer purse.

Setting:
Starbucks (on the ritzy side of town)

Convo:
Woman: "Daniel, I need to call the storage unit RIGHT NOW. Hand me your phone."

Woman: "Hi, Central Storage, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." hangs up

Man: "Well?"

Woman: "They're going to charge me an additional $52."

Man: "Well, we need to find a cheaper place."

Woman: "But it has to be temperature controlled." man frowns

Woman: "But Dann-an-hiel, I have a lot of REALLY nice EXPENSIVE things." looks around to see if anyone is listening.

Woman:"Dannnhhiel, Why'd you wear those pants today? They are so sevenites."

Woman: "Dannnnnhhhhiel, you shouldn't wear those boots. You should wear the black ones."

Woman:" Dannnn-huel, I can't believe how fast you drank that coffee. Give me 50 cents so I can go get a re-fill."

Man: "You look great, did you lose some weight?"

Woman: "Dan-ann-hhuel, WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? Don't you know there's men out there who like all sizes of women? I just don't understand why'd you say such a thing. I mean really. There are plenty of men who like women of any size."

Man: stammers apology

Woman: "Oh my Gosh, Dann-huel you just finished another coffee. Why do you drink your coffee so fast, huh Daniel?"

Woman: "Daniel, Daniel, Daniel, Daniel"

Me: OMG- shut up, shut up, shut, up, SHUT UP!!!!! Jumping up and down!

I think when I'm queen of the universe... I am going to make everyone who annoys me move to a small remote village in South America.  A place with lots of bugs... big bugs...and snakes... the huge kind ...and maybe some guerrilla freedom fighters, just for fun.

They Looked so Normal