Really, God, Really?

Dear Ex-boyfriend,

Hey, how ya doing? It was super awesome fun to see you the other day. What's it been 3, 4 years? I know, time flies. Seems like it was just yesterday. What an odd place to run into you. Of all places, the Costco membership counter on a random Saturday. And me being my usual entertaining (annoying) self, bantering with our "Membership Specialist." But really Costco why don't you carry livestock? You have everything else. 

So extra special running into you right after my visit to the hairdresser. Texas High, Aqua Net'd, over large, teased curls- no, no not really a look I go for everyday. Sure hairdresser- you're bored, why not play with my hair, after all I'm only going to get my eyebrows waxed after this and go straight home. No big deal. Oh, you remember getting waxed makes me cry, must be why I wasn't wearing any make-up.

Hey, so nice of you to not turn around and say hi. Not even that cheesy, How ya doing? You look great. So nice to see you prattle most adults engage in when they run into someone they haven't seen for a while. The must keep my back turned and jaw clenched, deliberately not look at someone while catching them out of the corner of my eye thing you did- so much better.

Well at least I didn't have to meet your new girlfriend, although I sure got quite the look at her. Particularly as she all but broke her back in getting the best look at me she could. Between the pointing and the "That's Her!!!!" I can see how you might have missed me.

By the way great job- picking me again. Must have made the choosing process so much easier to walk into a bar and run through the checklist. Blonde hair. Check. Short. Check. Hourglass figure. check. Pale skin. check.-And she looks to be the same age I was when we first got together. Yeah for you. She probably won't casually mention after ten years of dating, maybe the two of you should think about getting married.

I'm also pretty sure she won't suggest, after having you spend the night, every single night for TWO years, that maybe you should move in together. I know how important having your own space is. (Even though when you finally moved in we could do so in one car load considering everything you owed was ALREADY at my place.)

Oh, what? Sorry, sorry where was I?

Since we're here, I justed wanted to take a second to thank you, whole hearted. Every single morning I drive by Scandinavian Designs on my way to work and I think of you. Every single morning. I think of how much fun it was to run into you in the parking lot, two weeks before Christmas, when you told me you were out buying Christmas presents.

I was so excited to see you. Come look at this table, don't you think it would work perfectly right next to the bed we'd been sharing for the last ten years. You're always complaining how you don't have anyplace to put a glass.

Only to have to drag your feet and glance back to the Christmas Tree lot right next door. Christmas Tree Lot- well that's odd. We got a Christmas Tree two....weeks.....ago.

What a fantastic way for me to find out you had a new girlfriend. Oh yeah, sorry she wasn't your girlfriend, just someone from work who needed to use your truck. ...and who called you babe. Whose house you promptly moved into.

I should have bought that table. 75% off. Maple. Clean lines.

Anywho we shouldn't let so much time pass this time.

Great to see you.

Love,
Zoe

Really, God, Really?