What do I want to do when I grow up?

I think the office may be doing lay-offs today.

I woke up at 3:30 this morning convinced I'm on the chopping block. Sure it could be me panicking- unreasonable worry but maybe not...

The consultant arrived yesterday which is never a good sign. They have been talking for months about restructuring- working on all six cylinders instead of the three we are currently functioning at-which everyone knows is code for lay-offs. Well at least I hope it's lay-offs and not out-right termination.

There's something about this time which just lays a pit of worry in my stomach. Although I know we'll be alright- the family- we always are-I have another business I can build and grow. One I've been neglecting for quite some time now. I just can't help but to spiral down into the OH MY GOD what the hell are we going to do? It's stressful.

The counting of every penny. The no's. No you can't have this or no you can't have that. I hate that time. Particularly since I have to admit I haven't re-built the savings yet. The bills are piling up, the car is acting up and let's face it- Christmas was expensive.

It's apparent- even if I don't get laid-off today- it's time to find another job. I don't function well with a hole in the pit of my stomach everyday. Stressed to the point of panic.

Since drinking coffee and visiting with friends doesn't quite pay enough to keep me in shoes, I think it's time for some serious soul searching. What do I want to do when I grow up?

What do I want to do when I grow up?