Whew!

I made it through- still employed. Thank God.

Not that we couldn't have worked something out or that it may not happen eventually but one thing is clear- my subconscious is kind of an asshole. To wake me up in the middle of the night simply to torture me- pure asshole.

It's gotten to the point I can hardly listen to NPR anymore- every other story is about how another person lost their job and is now, for the first time ever, standing in line at the food bank proclaiming- I'm the one that usually donates. I can't believe I'm here. I cry-every single time.

When I was laid off- before I got the business off the ground, we were almost there. Some part of me- that part that cries,  wants to take every bit of extra we have now and donate. The pragmatic side of me pulls the reins way far back and helps me to understand- there isn't any extra right now.

Do we live a blessed life? Oh yes- no one could even begin to deny we live a blessed life, in a Disney-like setting of over-abundance in a wonderful home. But I was off work for a long-time. All I can do is thank jesus we don't live in Victorian England because I'd be in debtor's prison now instead of steadily paying off every tom, dick and harry one dollar at a time.

Never-mind all the things that come up. My seven year old Chevy hit 90,000 miles this month and all hell broke loose. New brakes, new tires. I need to get smogged this month yet this crazy check engine light is on. Don't worry,  the SmogNazi reassures me, We tested everything and everything looks fine but we can't pass you with your Check Engine light on. Yeah- thanks...for nothing.  The dentist today. Each kid has a cavity- in exactly the same place. The dentist was astounded. The same tooth- the same side- the same size cavity.

At least it was just one. At least I had health insurance.

What's the solution- I have no idea. I'd like to throw my hands in the air and demand the government fix it. But is that their job? Really?

Whew!