...and I thought childbirth was gross

Did you know 85% of people carry parasites in their body? 85%. We get them from the food we eat. The water we drink. Going barefoot. Fine Mom! Fine- you were right.

So I took my dog to the vet not long ago, only to discover the poor thing has worms. Ok, she's a dog- it happens. Give her some pills, She gets rid of them and we're all good. Bing, Bing, Done. Until the vet mentions off-handly right before she walks out the door... that it was a good thing we came in as this type of worm can be be transferred to humans. I hear a distant echo from down the hall..."But you should be fine because it's not like you let her sleep in your bed, do youuuuu..."

Whoa, Whoa, Whoaaaa, hold the bus.

WHAT!!!! Transferred to humans.

Of course I let her sleep in my bed. Hell, I'm one step away from crazy cat lady with my menagerie of cats, and dogs, and kids. Where the heck else is she going to sleep? All of you crate people, shut it.

Worms, huh, worms. No way. I'd know if I had worms. I can't get worms. I'm a middle class, white woman from the suburbs. It can't happen. To the Internet Batman.

Why do I go to the Internet when I want to look up medically related issues? Why? It's like a James Cameron movie. I know it's not going to end well.

201,655 search results. Really, Google, really?  All the sites agree- everyone has parasites.The also all agree- don't you dare go the doctor and ingest the poisons doctor's are likely to prescribe when so many wonderful anti-parasitic can be found in the food we eat. Onions, garlic, pineapple, lemons, herbs, oh my.

But ok, I'll bite. What can it hurt?

So I go to the natural foods store. The one with the creepy commercial



and I'm surprised to find a flock of brosefs. Brosef? I don't want to explain my tummy troubles to a brosef. I want a lovely crunchy hippie wearing a hemp skirt who has a deep understanding of all the wonders herbs can do for our body. But the brosef leads me to this Paragone stuff. I stare at him in disbelief. He swears up and down. Dude, this is the best, easiest thing on the shelf and I'll feel better in like no time.

It's been about two weeks. I can tell you my stomach is flatter. My number 2 time is a little more regular and I don't feel as tired.

I do have to tell you...taking this has one very unfortunate side effect. Horrible. Terrible. Disgusting. Disturbing. Almost can't talk about it.

The need to stare into the toilet bowl after every bowel movement with a vivid fascination. It's gross. Do I see something, do I see something?

Maybe it's time to cut back on the seeds.

Disclaimer: Not only was I not paid for this, I'm never paid for anything. ever. Maybe I'm doing the Internet wrong. Sigh.

...and I thought childbirth was gross